just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
