I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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