Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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