I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
