So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize