We won't sleep together?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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