meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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