My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
