I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
