found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
