My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
