Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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