my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
