hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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