Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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