I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize