Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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