in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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