so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we have pet lesbian snakes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
