Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a search helicopter?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
