Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he puts the penis in happiness.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
