Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
