dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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