whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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