So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
