I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
