Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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