We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
why do cheetos always look like penises
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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