im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize