you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
