It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
