1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
