I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
