Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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