I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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