:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
