Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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