I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize