My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
