38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
