The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
