Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
