I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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