Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
