the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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