This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
