I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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