if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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