Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
