So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm at about main and main street
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
