I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
