Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
