God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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