I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
