it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
