Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
