I think im going to throw up on grandma
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's the barista slut.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
