Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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