You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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