and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
