We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
