U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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