The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just pee around me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
