ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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