I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
