just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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