tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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