There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
did i just pee glitter
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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